Wow!

He's doing some cool things!! I will share some details soon. :)

A new challenge to express God's goodness

If it weren't so late, I would take a picture of my new journal and post it. It's pink and brown and has Bible verses on every page. I got it as a gift at my surprise going-away party on Friday evening.

With this notebook, because of course each one needs an explicit purpose, I will write some anecdotal evidence each day about something good that God has done. I have never done something like this before; only written down the events of the day and my feelings.

I hope that this will someday be not only interesting reading material but part of my earthly legacy left for my children. I think it's appropriate to keep a hand-written journal because I love things written in handwriting (I have a collection of recipes handwritten by family members and friends) and also I don't want to make public everything.

Ironically enough this journal was printed in Korea.

"He has done great things and we are glad." Psalm 126:3

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU!

Seventy times seven.

In the morning when I eat a hurried breakfast I try to also nibble on God's Word. I will admit that I've been lax in this lately; I really have no reason for it besides the fact that I am putting other things before study and prayer. I really ought not to do that considering not only the fact that I have some huge changes on the horizon, but just that I need to spend time with the Lord!

Thankfully God is gracious and speaks to me even in the hurried times. Matthew 18 was on my heart the other morning, and for good reason. Here are the verses 21-35, quoted in the NASB:

 ²¹Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?"
 ²²Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
 ²³"For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.
 ²⁴"When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
 ²⁵"But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.
 ²⁶"So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.'
 ²⁷"And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.
 ²⁸"But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back what you owe.'
 ²⁹"So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you.'
 ³⁰"But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.
 ³¹"So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.
 ³²"Then summoning him, his lord said to him, 'You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.
 ³³'Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?'
 ³⁴"And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.
 ³⁵"My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart."

Jesus was truly an incredible teacher. Anyone would want a teacher who relates the subject matter to real-life issues in order to promote understanding (how's that for fluent "education-ese"? haha). Here, he used an example of money. We all can relate to money. And if not money, then having possessions of some sort.

When I first read this, I didn't think it was fair that the slave got off so easily.. his debt was forgiven when he really didn't deserve it. But then I realized that the king didn't forgive the debt of his slave for no reason.. God forgives our debts so then we can, out of gratefulness and compassion, forgive our debtors. Is that not what the Lord's Prayer states, regardless of whether you use "debt" or "transgression"? (And actually both words mean something different in the Greek.. but all in all it's an offense against you.) Jesus became our sin on the cross and as sinful beings we surely didn't get what was coming to us.

I have on a sticky note in my Bible, "We are forgiven - let's act like it!" So much easier said than done.

I will tell you that I do not have compassion all the time for my debtors.. every morning on my way to work I pray to have compassion for those who offend me.. and in doing so I find that of course the Lord is faithful to bestow that upon me!

I am then able to be more loving, accepting and helpful toward people, whether it be my immediate family, my friends or even my husband.

I encourage you to have compassion on your brother (or mom, or friend). Instead of being angry, pray. Instead of being jealous, pray. Instead of harboring bitterness and resentment, pray. As Beth Moore has said, and she's only quoting the Bible in a way, "He did not set us up for defeat!"

I have five things to say.

1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.



I'M BELIEVING GOD!!!!


I can't even begin to express how important these statements of faith from Beth Moore's Believing God study have been in my walk these past few months. Wow. God is so good!

He was human in every way.

These past few weeks or so have taken a toll on my emotions. How can a person feel so many different emotions.. at the same time? Frustration, happiness, excitement, sadness, grief.. I feel like people are starting to pull away because I'm leaving. That hurts. I never did that to Aaron before he left for training, or whenever he would leave after being home for a weekend or for Christmas. I guess I see it as I'm sacrificing my emotional comfort to stay close with people up until the end and others are just not following through. I think it will get worse since we're going to South Korea instead of Texas.. I guess that's what distance does.

The consolation I have, besides those who are staying close with me and making a mutual effort to do so, is that Jesus can sympathize with us because He has experienced every emotion because in addition to being fully God, He was fully man. I cannot even begin to imagine what He experienced on the cross. Feelings of abandonment from His own Father; rejection and blatant disregard from the people who at one time were following Him, being healed, believing, now cheering "Crucify Him!"; happiness knowing that what He was doing would save the entire world, past present and future... He's felt every emotion times a thousand. That's how I know that I can rely on Him for the peace that passes all understanding.

What did Jesus do in His times of distress? He prayed. The Gospels account for so many times where He went into the secret to pray. I love David Crowder's song "All Around Me"...

My hands are searching for You
My arms are outstretched towards You
I feel You on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for You

This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing You

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And You whisper You love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with You
I am alone and they are too with You

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see You

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe

I am so thankful for what Jesus has done.. He's healed me through and through, from my depression, loneliness, hurt.. He's given me an amazing husband, "surrogate" mothers and aunts and sisters in Christ, a wonderful opportunity to share my life with one hundred students each day... and I am making the most of it.

I thank Him in advance for the healing that will occur in my soul.. I know that He will restore me! I claim it! I know that everything I am going through is only preparation for better things to come.. His timing is perfect, His name is above all names.

I tell you, when I first started writing this blog, I was teetering on the edge of depressive thoughts.. but once I proclaim all that He's done for me, how can I feel like that? It's completely okay to be human and feel sad, but we have to find our comfort in the Comforter.

I might have mentioned this before, but the word for "healing" in Hebrew can mean in some instances "to mend, to stitch..". That is such a beautiful picture.. Jesus is lovingly threading the needle of the thread of healing to mend my heart. And it will be stronger than before. My tattoo says, "Jehovah Raphe - The God Who Heals.."


"I'm savoring this heart that's healing..."

Psalm 119:97-104

In the NIV...

 ⁹⁷ Oh, how I love your law!
       I meditate on it all day long.
 ⁹⁸ Your commands make me wiser than my enemies,
       for they are ever with me.
 ⁹⁹ I have more insight than all my teachers,
       for I meditate on your statutes.
 ¹⁰⁰ I have more understanding than the elders,
       for I obey your precepts.
 ¹⁰¹ I have kept my feet from every evil path
       so that I might obey your word.
 ¹⁰² I have not departed from your laws,
       for you yourself have taught me.
 ¹⁰³ How sweet are your words to my taste,
       sweeter than honey to my mouth!
 ¹⁰⁴ I gain understanding from your precepts;
       therefore I hate every wrong path.

This is how I've prayed to feel about the Word of the Lord.. and I do feel this way. And it's really more than a feeling. It's an unmistakable realization that the Truth brought forth from this book is the only Truth, past, present and future.

All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory.

This is what the Lord showed to me this weekend. Past all my troubles, problems, attitude that needs to be majorly adjusted, feelings, circumstances.. His glory and His character remain. There's honestly nothing we can do to stop it.

Sometimes there just comes a time in our hardship (for me, the fact that I am the one to break generational sin) where we just have to believe. Believe that He can mend, that He can restore, that He can comfort. That He can bring ones back to Him who have at one time loved and honored Him but now whose hearts are far from Him.

The word "pretense" came to my mind this weekend. The entry from the Online Etymology Dictionary is as follows: early 15c., "the putting forth of a claim," from M.Fr. pretensse, from fem. of L.L. prætensus, from L. prætensus, pp. of prætendere (see pretend). Meaning "false or hypocritical profession" is from 1540s. Pretension is c.1600 meaning "assertion;" sense of "ostentation" is from 1727.

 It's amazing how we can take the truths that God has put forth in His book or in our hearts and twist them around in order to throw ourselves a pity party or to gain sympathy from others. I guess this is what I was doing without totally realizing it. The entry "false or hypocritical profession" is hitting home right now.

In our Beth Moore Believing God series, there are five truths we've been practicing and clinging to.
1. God is Who He says He is.
2. I am who God says I am.
3. God can do what He says He can do.
4. I can do all things in Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.

Number 2 hit me like a bullet the other night as I was crying on my bed. I am who God says I am! I am His beloved, His precious child, part of His royal priesthood .

I also felt like I received the commission of "Encourager". I have felt for a long time that at some point in my earthly life I will be an intercessor.. praying on others' behalf. The Lord revealed to me that I have to learn how to encourage others before I can intercede for them. Encouraging someone validates their feelings and provides an emotional pathway by empathy to that person that goes beyond a simple "hi".

Hebrews 10:23-25
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking out own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.

"Encourage" come from a Greek word that means, "to call near, be of good comfort, to pray, to invoke God, to exhort, admonish, to provide consolation, to make glad, rejoice".

It's much more than a simple, "Good job!" but it's specific. It's spoken of the Holy Spirit. And it's crucial for edifying the Church.

This is my prayer and desire: to continue in my preparation for whatever God has for me, for whatever He has for me together with my husband, so that I (we) will be ready!

Simplification, Contentment, Obedience, Encouragement, and Intercession. This is the will of God.

Wo wo weee woo.

So many fabulous things have been happening the past couple of days.. I've been super busy so I haven't posted.. but look for a reallllly long post within the next week (fingers crossed)!

...

I have got to get back on track.

Sigh.

I'm glad this whole grace and forgiveness thing wasn't up to me.

Could I be any more in love with this passage?

Philippians 2
 ⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
 ⁶Who, being in very nature^[a] God,
      did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
 ⁷but made himself nothing,
      taking the very nature^[b] of a servant,
      being made in human likeness.
 ⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
      he humbled himself
      and became obedient to death—
         even death on a cross!
 ⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
      and gave him the name that is above every name,
 ¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
      in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
 ¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
      to the glory of God the Father.

He meets us at our choice.

Recently something really big happened with my faith, as I said. It was easy after that to think, Well, I've fasted and prayed for this, so I'll just take a break for awhile. I was wrong.. I ended up breaking my fast, more than once, this week and it of course is accompanied by a sense of shame and guilt.

However, if I've learned anything about walking in the Word, it's that we have a choice. No one's twisting my arm to break my fast, or to study my Bible. It's my choice alone. We have to see past our current circumstances and make the best decision for the future. That to me is a huge sign of spiritual maturity. It should be noted, though, that it's not all on us, thank goodness. We make a choice and He meets us where we are.

1 John 1:9 says (NIV), "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." So, confessing is our choice, and forgiving and purifying is what He does with our choice.

As I've been doing the A Call to Die study, the Holy Spirit has convicted me of sins that I have committed. Thankfully in the light of God's grace, I need not feel ashamed or guilty because He forgives! He wipes our slate clean! This does not mean, however, that we can "grieve the Holy Spirit". Romans 6:15 says, "What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!" We don't quench the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives because we continue in our sin.

As I've grown and matured in the faith, I have realized that I should worry less about the external and more about the internal. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, " "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." As I walk in the Word and pray and seek the holiness of God Himself, the external will fall away on its own. I have experienced that first hand. The internal is more of a struggle. But He is faithful and just.

He is faithful and just.

He is faithful and just.

Over and over again I repeat that in my mind... "O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you." (Psalm 89:8)

Growing our faith

The Lord knows our weaknesses, our strengths, and how we can best respond to His Holy Spirit. Over the past year I have experience a growth of faith that is bigger and more exciting than any other in my entire life. It's not that things have been amazing, because honestly you could not pay me to go through this past year again. For sake of not rehashing everything that's happened, we'll just say there were some dry spells and some valleys. However, He has pulled through on every single thing. Ultimately He's done what He's done because of His sovereignty, not because of my cry for faith. However, He delights in blessing us and the cry of faith is done in Jesus' name.

{{Romans 4...
 ¹What then shall we say that Abraham, our forefather, discovered in this matter? ²If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about—but not before God. ³What does the Scripture say? "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness."^[a]
 4Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. ⁵However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. ⁶David says the same thing when he speaks of the blessedness of the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works:
 ⁷"Blessed are they
      whose transgressions are forgiven,
      whose sins are covered.
 ⁸Blessed is the man
      whose sin the Lord will never count against him."}}

I really feel that I've been able to relate with the life of Abraham. Believing despite the circumstances. I've begun fasting at certain times for mainly my family and all the things that are happening there. Things are happening! I have faith that everything will work out according to His good purpose (Rom. 8:28).

I feel that Aaron and I are going through a time of harvest right now, both relationally, financially and spiritually. In the seven years we've called ourselves a couple, we've been through an awful lot. Not that we weren't blessed before - it's not biblical to say that only good things that you're happy about are blessings - but a lot of what we've been through is really starting to show itself as blessing and also as preparation.

The Lord is good, He is enduring, He is faithful!

Restoration is coming.

Isaiah 49:8-10
This is what the LORD says:
       "In the time of my favor I will answer you,
       and in the day of salvation I will help you;
       I will keep you and will make you
       to be a covenant for the people,
       to restore the land
       and to reassign its desolate inheritances,
  to say to the captives, 'Come out,'
       and to those in darkness, 'Be free!'
       "They will feed beside the roads
       and find pasture on every barren hill.
 They will neither hunger nor thirst,
       nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them.
       He who has compassion on them will guide them
       and lead them beside springs of water. 


God is a God of restoration. It is amazing the supernatural changes that are wrought because of our human belief in an immortal and holy God. There is a specific area of my life where I beginning to see restoration. 

According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, "restore" means "to rebuild, renew, repair". What a beautiful thought. Throughout this season of Lent, I have been fasting from most Internet and all secular media. I have been fasting and praying for this certain area of my life and it's amazing what God can do with our circumstances.

I am forever thankful for these things that are happening because my faith is bolstered and encouraged. I am now throwing all semblance of caution into the wind and letting Him drive. I am not my own; I belong to the One who bought me.

Temple of the Spirit

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

This is my motivation to exercise. I love the feeling after having a hard workout.. and I love meditating on Jesus while in the process. I often listen to Underoath because it's definitely upbeat and energizing.

My insecurity yields His victory.

Ironic, right? My insecurity leads to spiritual victory. However, the road which I have to travel to get there is rough and plagued with stubbornness.

Let me say that again: I am stubborn. Say it's in the Little blood, say it's a product of my circumstances, but it is the truth. Lately it has been keeping me from complete and total communion with the Lord. I am stubborn in the spiritual realm... believing that I can do it all on my own. (The Bible doesn't say that; it says "I can do all things through Christ.") Believing that a little of Jesus here and there is okay. Believing that I am immune to certain sin. It's at that point, people, when the devil takes a hold. Lying is his specialty. He's had quite a few years and then some to practice and he is relentless in it. So... I start to believe the lies in the spiritual and they pour into the physical realm.

Insecurity is debilitating and back-breaking. But it's not until it shows itself in the physical realm that I do anything about it. My stubbornness leads to insecurity.

And it's in the realization for the 1,684,286th time that the Lord is my strength that I finally relent and let Him drive.

Proverbs 18:10 sheds light on this. "The name of the LORD is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe."

Just the very name of the Lord is a strong tower. It doesn't say that the righteous run into it when such-and-such happens...  it says that they just run. Who cares when. The righteous recognizes that the Lord is his strength and he just runs. No questions asked.

No amount of worldly securities could ever overshadow the fact that only the Lord (Yahweh) is my strong tower. No amount of money, practice, education, experience, relationships can replace the strength that is in the very name of the Lord. Verse 11 goes on to say, "A rich man's wealth is his strong city, And like a high wall in his own imagination."

I need to learn to speak up. Why did I ever think I could just "think" a prayer? The strength and victory of the Lord needs to be claimed verbally. The enemy needs to know from Whom we draw our strength.

It is some times like these that I am glad the sun sets on a day when I have experienced embarrassment and insecurity and a new day can dawn in which I claim the strength of Yahweh, Jehovah, Alpha & Omega. Verse 12 says, "Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, But humility goes before honor." (NASB) I want to experience humility tomorrow.


Maybe someday I won't have to learn my lesson the hard way, but I am thankful the Lord is in the details; He knew them before I was even an earthly thought.

Father Abraham had many sons

and apparently a lot of [spiritual] daughters too. I am one of them. I guess I never realized the theological, no, biblical, meaning behind that song. This week in the Believing God study I have been reminded of Abraham and his faith. Interestingly enough, he comes up in The Inheritance. Both studies I am doing are simultaneous but independent of one another. Abraham's story speaks to me. Not that I am a Hebrew man who lived before Christ who was obeying the Lord by almost sacrificing his son, for whom he had waited so long. However, we have a common thread.

By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going.

-Hebrews 11:8

I have felt like this past year God has been dealing with me on obedience. I say "dealing" because it's been Him revealing what I need to do and me being my stubborn former Little self and pouting like a girl. Sometimes over the past year He's basically had to put up a brick wall where there was none so I'd smack into something. And every time that's happened it's been an actual barrier to whatever harebrained situation I had gotten myself into.

So, with obedience being the theme of spring of last year to this spring, I have begun to understand firsthand that obedience begets blessing. And big obedience begets big blessing. Abraham was obedient and while he didn't come into his land of inheritance while he was alive on planet Earth, he will surely see the descendants of his obedient life in heaven.

I have to say that I want to live that kind of life. I want to be obedient. It may not always be pretty, or easy, or comfortable for me or those around me, but the blessing and righteousness that come from it far outweigh whatever earthly obstacle there seems to be.

When I look back through everything I have been through, I see it's all prepared me for this very time in my life. Now, with all that I'm going through now, I can only wonder about what is to come in the future. Sometimes it makes me a little scared. I guess I'd rather be scared and in God's will than comfortable and completely oblivious.

Today...

...is one of those days when, as Beth Moore would say, I just love my Jesus. I am happy. It's March - only 31 days until I see my handsome soldier and get to experience lovely spring weather in Arizona. I think my students thought I had a little too much caffeine this morning.. I was peppy!

I found an awesome new artist - Enter the Worship Circle. Maybe not new to the world, but new to my appreciative ears. The album I bought on Rhapsody (like WMP or iTunes) is called Chair and Microphone. It's acoustic piano and guitar and it's a female on lead vocals. I'm in heaven.

Random "praise report", if you will.. I have to have some work done on my car, nothing drastic but maintenance that needs to be done when a car as 131,000 miles on it. My dad's been searching around the Pekin/Peoria area for quotes and the lowest was only $845. That is exciting considering some of them were $1600 from the dealer and $1200 from somewhere else. The best part is that we have that right now because we have our emergency fund.

So.. it's a great day here in Illinois. The sky is cloudy and it's still chilly, but this month will be bright.

The verse for today from A Call to Die is Psalm 56:3-4:

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee.
In God, those word I praise,
in God I have put my trust;
I shall not be afraid. 
What can mere man do to me?"

Update on Lent (Ash Wednesday + 12)

Overall, I feel that this media fast has been going really well. The TV isn't even plugged in; I hardly watched it anyway. The most I watched was the Weather Channel, Biggest Loser, and sometimes a free On-Demand movie. We don't even have a DVD player anymore, so I borrowed my cousin's PS2 as a DVD player. Listening to nonsecular music has been relatively easy. I've spent a few dollars on some new songs. "Revelation Song" sung by Kari Jobe and "How He Loves" by David Crowder are probably my new favorites.

The Internet facet of it isn't too bad, either. I definitely spend less time online. I check my e-mail, the weather, our bank account and pay bills online (the only bill I pay with check is rent, and that's only because there is not an online feature). I have, of course, been blogging. I've taken some time to look back at previous blogs, even to as far back as five years ago. I have checked Facebook and Army Wives Forums more than once; however, I was only on there for no more than five minutes at a time.

So, how have I benefitted from this? I have had more time to devote to study... if I want to get all my studies done I kind of have to sacrifice other things. I haven't been as concerned about petty things, or been thinking about those "friends" you have on Facebook and their pointless status updates. I have felt better about myself without constantly comparing.

I have also been using our Internet connection to talk to Aaron via Skype video chat. Technology has come such a long way. I love being able to see and talk at the same time. Sometimes I am marvelled that the person I'm looking at is my husband and he loves me with as unconditional a love as you can find on this earth. We have also been doing a Bible study, and using Skype has facilitated more discussion and it's just easier to not hold a phone and try to write and read at the same time.

I probably don't get any more sleep than I did. I average about seven hours per night, which seems to be the minimum if I want optimum performance the next day.

I guess I feel overall I have a closer relationship with the Lord and definitely do more critical thinking about things in general. I have received some answers to prayer and new things about which to pray have been revealed. Poor and sinful internal attitudes have also been revealed.. we're working on it.

The next three months are absolutely crucial in our life. I feel that Lent will be a springboard for whatever preparation is left before we move.

The following passage from Philippians has been running through my mind nearly every day...


Philippians 3:12-14 (NIV)
 ¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

And, I think about the five principles from my current Beth Moore study, Believing God:
1- God is who He says He is.
2- God can do what He says He can do.
3- I am who God says I am.
4- I can do all things through Christ.
5- God's Word is alive and active in me.

The verses we've been memorizing in our study (Megan and I) are as follows:

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved and delivered Himself up for me." (Galatians 2:20)

"Indeed, while following the way of your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for you eagerly; your name, even your memory [renown], is the desire of our souls." (Isaiah 26:8)

(I love how in the NASB the pronouns are usually capitalized!)

Looking back as I proofread this post, I realized that a fast should be a challenging commitment... I'm not sure this is too challenging quite yet. I feel that the most challenging thing for me throughout the next 28 days will be the prayer component.

Help my unbelief!

I have been wavering back and forth about a decision that has to do with our moving soon. We don't know yet where we're going and so I cannot look for jobs or housing or.. anything. I can't even be a dork and look up the average weather or maps online. Last night as I was laying down to bed I just felt torn. Then I felt prompted to read Mark 15. It ended up being the crucifixion story, and I thought that was odd. However, I felt in my spirit that "I have done all of this, and risen from the dead; do you not think I can take care of you and things in your life?" I felt convicted of my unbelief but also so relieved that He is so faithful to take care of us. I think of the Hillsong lyric, "The same power that conquered the grave is in me...".

On my desk at school I have the memory verses for our Believing God study in a plastic sleeve. Guess what this week's verse is?

Hebrews 11:8 - "By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going."

How interesting. I am having to step out in faith to make big decisions when we physically do not know where we are going. And it's not a matter of simply, "Oh, I think I'll try to let God take care of this one" and pass it off with a sigh and shake of the hand. It is a matter of obedience. Abraham obeyed. And he was blessed. 

Taking offense

There are two things of which to be offended in the world: God and people. In Day 5 of Week 3 of Believing God, Beth Moore talks about how we can become offended with God because He doesn't pull through like we think He should.

She talks about John the Baptist, who was a man who lived eccentrically but fulfilling Scripture by being the "messenger" the Old Testament prophesies will come before Christ. John is sitting in prison, about to be executed, and maybe he wondered why Jesus didn't pull through for him. Why would Jesus, with all his omnipotence even in his earthly body, not perform a miracle and break him free? However, we must trust that He knew what He was doing - He set forth all the events before they even took place.

I think early in our walk with Christ it is easy to be offended. Often when people become Christians, they feel devastation because all their worldly desires have not been just eradicated from their lives. Maybe even farther along in their faith lose a loved one and all of a sudden feel abandoned. However, when a horrible event occurs, our human eyes cannot see past the situation. We cannot recreate the context of the situation. God has the timeline of our lives spread out before Him. It's in times like those we absolutely have to trust and believe Him because He is all-knowing and all-powerful. And thank God because I would not want that responsibility with my imperfect heart and mind!

The second way to be offended is by people. God is perfect and we can be offended by Him; how much more will be we offended by others? Many times people give their reason for leaving a church because of the people. "They spread rumors" or "I just didn't fit in". Thankfully God is not contained in a church. But too often people seem to lose their connection with God because they've lost a connection with the church.

Philippians 2:14-15 states the benefits of not complaining or arguing (which are side effects of being offended by someone):
      "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe..."

[The NASB uses "grumbling or disputing" in verse 14.]



The Greek word for dispute or argue is "goggysmos", "a secret displeasure not openly avowed".

I think that this includes all the poor things we think about people and maybe never even voice. However, Jesus says that we can murder a man just by having hate in our hearts. Satan works his way into the tiniest crevasses, even emotional ones.

In our times of weakness and relational frailty we can rely on the strength of the Holy Spirit in our lives to give us discernment and direct our thoughts, actions and speech. I guess the old adage sticks; "Think before you talk". Actually, I would rephrase it to say, "Pray before your talk".

He satisfies

This has been the theme of my time of study today. Psalm 103:2-5 states:
     ² Praise the LORD, O my soul,
       and forget not all his benefits-
     ³ who forgives all your sins
       and heals all your diseases,
     ⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
       and crowns you with love and compassion,
     ⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
       so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

He satisfies our desires with good things! Why is it we think that by denying ourselves and picking up our crosses we are losing? People, this is a win-win situation! Maybe it's hard for the world to see our riches since the majority of them are spiritual when in Christ.

Good (Hebrew Strong's #2896): beautiful, best, better, bountiful, cheerful, at ease, fine, glad... and the list goes on and on.

Interestingly enough, A Call to Die today had us read from John 6. Verse 35 states, "I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me shall not hunger, and who believes in Me shall never thirst." We can be satisfied in Him. It does not matter what the world holds or taunts us with.. He is all we need... the will of God is for us to know and believe Him! (John 6:40).

Lenten offerings

I have observed Lent since I was young. It's not something that all Christians are familiar with.. beginning with Ash Wednesday, it's the season in the Christian church during which people fast something until Easter (40 days) to remember Jesus' trying in the desert. When I was little, it was about fasting soda or sweets. Well, now that I'm older I have different idols to lay down.

I will be doing the book A Call to Die with my friend Megan during this time and it requires at least an hour a day for meditation, prayer and study. I have decided to fast from most of the Internet (Facebook, my Army wives forum, other blogs), TV, secular literature and secular music. Of course, I am not saying that any of these things are bad in and of themselves, but I could better spend my time studying the Word and devoting myself to prayer.

Food for me is not an effective fast unless it's a raw food fast or a  liquid fast. I don't eat out a lot, eat a ton of sweets or drink a lot of soda. I feel like that would be more legalistic for me.

I am also on an endeavor to become familiar with the Greek language. Coincidentally (or not, haha) a colleague is taking a Greek class for her Master's degree and today she came into my room during my prep to show me a little bit about the alphabet. She gave me a laminated handout of the alphabet and flash cards of the letters.

Are you fasting anything for Lent?

Bedtime Stories: Psalm 46:10

I really like how the NASB puts this verse:

"Cease {striving} and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Cease means to stop. Striving means, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, "to devote serious effort or energy". So, stop devoting serious effort or attention. This psalm talks about the omnipotence of God.. the wonderful things He does and how nature "melts". Amazing. God is all-powerful and He literally holds the earth in the palm of His hand. So why do we try so hard in vain? We are called to know Him; that's all. Everything else falls into place.

On a side note, I realized yesterday or the day before how I am made in God's image. I was baking, cooking, knitting and starting on a sewing project all within a couple days' time. I like to create things and share them with people. Many times I do all those things for myself, but I really like to see people enjoy the things I've made. I am created in God's image because He also enjoys making things and sharing them with people. I felt.. accepted and part of a family when that dawned on me. But most of all I felt loved, that He would put a desire in me to create things, just like He does. [I am by no means equating myself with God, just drawing a similarity.]

Can I just sum things up right now with this picture? This is how I feel about the Lord.

The two things I've been praying for are these:

I want to fall in love with You!

I want to develop an unquenchable thirst for Your Word!

Becoming more like Christ - bodies and minds

This is the ever-present question of our existence: How do we become more like Christ? Is it by our actions? Our attitudes? Romans 12:1-2 provides a perfect explanation of how to become more like Him.

"I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." (NASB)

These two verses outline two things that must come under submission to the Lord - our bodies and our minds. How does it say we can offer our bodies/minds as a sacrifice? By the mercies of God. It's obviously not of our own effort because look what that did (Garden of Eden). The greatest thing is that HE does the transforming, the renewing, WE are the ones who bring it to Him in the first place. If you ever feel far from Him, just remember He's thisclose. Just one word away.. "Just one word and I am free" (Michael Gungor Band, "Giving It All").

I'm not sure what the verb tense is in the Greek, but take a look at "renewing" in English. That, my dear grammarians [because I know you're all dorks like me], is a present participle. Not a past participle, but present. It's a constant thing, what is happening right now. You can't just lay it down at the cross once and expect it to be over and done with. I think this is why people have a hard time when they first become Christians; I know I did. I thought that my old desires would just go away, I would feel happy and elated every single day of my life. The fact is, it's a constant sacrifice. He tells us to pick up our cross daily (Luke 9:23, NIV). The beauty of it though is that Jesus paid it once.. once was enough. That one act of obedience and sacrifice has brought us out of our misery.. and our bodies and minds can be transformed.

Why are people afraid of the will of God? Beth Moore talks about this in both studies I'm doing right now, Believing God and The Inheritance. We're afraid of what God will have to take from us in order to live a life fully in Him. The fact is, people, that He. Is. A. GIVER! Life will not be boring, will not be stale, will not be drudgery. Anybody got a hanky to wave on that one?

"...prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." (v. 2)

It is safe, then, to assume that in Philippians 4:8 we can renew our minds by thinking on whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellence, worthy of praise... Hmm. Let's think for a second. If we did this, we'd be thinking on the very character of God Himself! What a novel idea.


So, what other thoughts do you have on becoming more like Christ?

1 Peter 4-5

Not sure what happened to the third chapter...

"The child of God is not conscious of the will of God because he is the will of God." -OC

1 Peter 4
v.1 - if we have suffered in our bodies we understand sin and respond to it
v. 4 - people think it's weird when we don't join in to their debauchery - they will answer in the end
v. 6. "...but live according to God in regard to the Spirit"
v. 7 in order to pray we need to be "clear-minded" and "self-controlled"
       How do we become clear-minded?
v. 10 our gifts should serve people
v. 14 "If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you"
v. 17 "For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God"

Random OC quotes:
"Staleness is an indication of something out of joint with God." [interesting because Beth Moore says something very similar in her study called The Inheritance!]
"When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait."
"Are we being devoted more to service than to Jesus Christ?"

1 Peter 5

•  Be shepherds
• We are examples - people are watching us!
• "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" (Prov. 3:34)
• "Cast your anxiety"
• "Cast" in the Greek = epiripto (1977) = to throw upon
• "Anxierty" in the Greek = merimna (3308) = to have care for, take thought

• God will restore us after we have suffered, and I will add that He restores us while we are suffering. Kind of like during my RPM cycling class and you finish a really hard track that has your legs burning.. you keep pedaling after that in order to "recover". It may not feel like recovering because you are still in pain. But after the workout is over, you're glad you took the time to recover because otherwise it'd hurt a lot worse.

1 Peter 1-2

I began to read this book on a whim in January because I was in between Beth Moore Bible studies. I got up, read the Oswald Chambers selection of the day and then read a portion of 1 Peter.

1 Peter 1:3-9
 ³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, ⁵who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

• Being joyous despite a period of grief and trials
• "No matter what changes God has wrought in you, never rely upon them, build only on a person, the Lord Jesus Christ, and on the Spirit He gives." -OC
• The spirit of grief and anxiousness is not of the Lord [look up verse]
• "Set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Christ is revealed" v. 13

1 Peter 2:10-11, 16
¹⁰Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
 ¹¹Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.
¹⁶Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God.

• Living as one in Christ means we live differently from those in the world. 

  January 7, 2010

Last night I discovered peace and a general feeling of gladness and hopefulness. Praise God for endorphins from exercising, good friends and His blessed Holy Spirit!

Something I learned about myself that might later contribute to the good work which will be completed - I need to be busy. I get bored easily and I need changes of scenery. I shouldn't feel bad about not wanting to stay home all day in my PJs. It's okay to want to keep my mind occupied but it's not okay to run myself into the ground by squandering my time. Maybe in this year of my 20's I will find the happy medium. Amazing how one can find out more about themselves being 23, almost 24!


Quotes from OC:

• "Friendship is rare on earth."
• "When once we get intimate with Jesus we are never lonely, we never need sympathy, we can pour out all the time without being pathetic." (This is my goal!)

1 Peter 2:5
⁵you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

• we give sacrifices of spirit
• What is our spirit? uneasiness, happiness, pain, gladness, suffering

• we give them through Jesus
• our relationship with Him is essential!

• He called us out of darkness into his wonderful light! (v. 9)
• So why do we act like we live in the dark?

"And the one who trusts in Him will never be put to shame" v. 6; Isa. 28:16

• Why should we be ashamed of our humanness? God created us - he fashioned every side of us!

[And then I found in my Bible that Isaiah 28:16 was cross-referenced so I went to see why.]

Isaiah 28:16-17
 ¹⁶ So this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
       "See, I lay a stone in Zion,
       a tested stone,
       a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation;
       the one who trusts will never be dismayed.
 ¹⁷ I will make justice the measuring line
       and righteousness the plumb line;
       hail will sweep away your refuge, the lie,
       and water will overflow your hiding place.

 And of course after reading that I had to find out what the "plumb line" was.. it is the measuring line, the exact line.

1 Peter 2:11
 ¹¹Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

• Abstain from sinful desires
• Be consistent even though people think you're doing wrong
• God's will - by doing good we silence ignorant talk of foolish men [reference?]
• God tells us to live according to the law of the land - submitting to authorities without forsaking our consciences.
• Peter continually uses references from the OT [Old Testament] to back up what he's saying. He also reminds us of Jesus' character and there is a focus on His divinity and purpose here on earth.

The gift of nerdery and essentials for study.

I have been really digging into some of Beth Moore's studies, including Breaking Free (pivotal study!), Loving Well, and currently I'm doing The Inheritance and Believing God. She is an amazing teacher with the gift of explaining things that maybe sometimes are cloudy to us. Her studies are grounded in nothing else but Scripture, pure and true. There is no compromise.

If anyone knows me well, they know that I love to study. Yes, I'm a nerd. I loved college for the learning portion of it, for the feeling that my brain is expanding with knowledge. Recently the realization came upon me that I can be a student of the Bible. I'm not sure about grad school right now as we are moving soon and I don't want to take out loans for it, and studying the Bible doesn't cost a whole lot of money.

These are a few essentials I've found for good solid Bible study:

• A good Bible. Duh. I've been using the NIV Life Application Study Bible for ten years now. It's been instrumental in my understanding of certain passages of Scripture. Soon I will be getting the Hebrew/Greek Key Word Study Bible (NAS). I have a degree in Spanish and a penchant for language and etymology so this will be wonderful.

• A notebook.

• Various commentaries and Biblical reference books. This is in progress.
  

• Good teachers and mentors. These for me would include pastors, people like Beth Moore who aren't afraid to teach the Bible and not some doctrine someone came up with two hundred years ago, mentors who are honest and have spent a good chunk of their lives investing in other people and who know Scripture like the back of their hand.

• Worship music. It helps me focus. Personally I like Hillsong, Michael Gungor Band, Hillsong, David Crowder Band, and some more Hillsong. Oh and maybe some Desperation Band and Travis Cottrell.

• A good cup of coffee. Thankfully one of my sisters Emily works at Starbucks and gives me a random pound of coffee here and there. Don't forget the sugar and half-and-half. Speaking of which, this cup is about empty. We can't have that.

• A long drive to work (+ good cup of coffee), or any long ride by yourself in the car. A lot of my personal epiphanies have come somewhere between Peoria and Varna on routes 29 and 17, and before that I-74 and I had a very close relationship. We were pretty much married [I was in Pekin, Aaron in Champaign].

What I have found to work for me is getting up earlier than I would like to in the morning, you know, putting down the natural [wo]man and letting the spirit [wo]man do the talking. Um, this definitely doesn't happen every morning. But most. Sometimes my brain just works better in the evening. I have also really benefited from using guides. The Bible is a really big book and it can be daunting just to think of where to start. I also like guided studies because of the insight one can gain from other teachers/fellow studiers of the Bible.

So there you have it. I think we're ready now, now that you know quite a lot about me. Hopefully these two entires capture the essence of the type of person I am: nerd who is in wonder of God and his spoken Word.

You make all things new. [Intro]

I've started this blog in order to keep my thoughts, writings, and insights of the Word in a safe place. I have notebooks of all sizes adorning my bookshelf in the other room but what would happen if there's a fire? Or they get lost in a move? I'd like a place that saves everything and that can be accessed from anywhere there is this amazing thing called wireless Internet.

Don't plan on these entries to be organized.. it will be my thoughts as they come to me at around six-ish in the morning (you might be able to tell a difference when the caffeine kicks in!).

Just a little background on me - my name is Elizabeth. I am almost 24 (April!) and have been a believer and student of the Word for a long time. I grew up in a Methodist church and memorized many Bible verses, probably in the New King James version, and also went through confirmation. As we know, confirmation or any other rite within the church cannot secure salvation, only true belief that Jesus Christ is the one and only Savior. However, my education before confirmation aided in my growth as a Christian when I truly accepted Christ ten years ago this March. I memorized all the books of the Bible, countless verses, and had a very boxed-in view of Who God was. But, it was a start.

The following narrative is an explanation of the events in my life that have formed who I am today. I won't apologize for the length. If you want to read it, fine, if not, fine. It's nice to have it out there.

When I was 16, I started going to an Assemblies of God church which was very interesting to me. I had never heard speaking in tongues, only read about it in Acts and Corinthians. My faith grew and was sustained over a period of about five years. I met my husband Aaron at that church and in that period of time my faith was bolstered incredibly. It was an amazing time of growth.

Aaron and I spent three years apart when I went to college [Go Bradley Braves!] and he went to Master's Commission. We saw each other many times, but during my sophomore and junior years in college I fell into a depression. I was not very involved with church and I was experimenting with things I never did a whole lot while in high school ("experimenting" for me was cussing, moderate drinking, and doubting the Word of God and His Sovereignty). So no wonder I went fell into a pit... I had helped to dig it! After many long and late conversations with my then-boyfriend and soon to be fiance, I went to therapy and began taking medication to correct my depression. I never regret making that decision. It was essential for my performance in college and I was nearing the end of my undergraduate experience. I took medication and received counseling through the last semester, which is when I student taught.

During this time, my last year, Aaron was home again in Pekin. We started attending a new church and we got involved in different activities together. I began singing and playing keys on the worship team and he worked with the kids in children's church. It was a great period of growth for us.

We were married in our new church in June of 2008 and moved to Peoria. I feel like this was the turning point to which I can attribute my growing faith now. That summer I stopped taking my medication and have not turned back since. I am not advocating stopping antidepressants cold turkey. I should have stepped down with the supervision of a doctor. However, it was a small dose and after I graduated Bradley I never found another counselor or psychiatrist. Many of my stressors came from living at home in a very stressful, high-strung environment.

Aaron and I chose to exercise faith in the first year of marriage that I'd never experienced. We began tithing before we married and have continued that. I cannot describe the blessings that have flowed from that one act of obedience. We went to Honduras on a missions trip two months after our wedding. That was a wonderful and rewarding experience. I began teaching high school and he continued to work at Cat. Then, in December '08, on the last day of school before winter break, we found out he was going to be laid off with his last day being in February.

So, what the heck were we going to do? My work had horrible health insurance. Aaron was going to go back to school on Cat's tuition reimbursement (he had had some classes at ICC and then he had classes from Master's Commission, but no degree at that point in time). He had worked for six months as an interim children's director/pastor at our church the previous year but we knew with the economy a children's pastor was not something churches would hire. And we didn't want to leave our current congregation.

He joined the Army as active duty. It was a quick and easy decision and didn't really take a whole lot of explanation. It felt right and Aaron started working out in order to join. He enlisted in late February and then left in mid-April for Basic training. Those seven weeks were wonderful, even though we didn't have a lot of money. It was tough though because all my student loans had started coming due back in November. At about the same time we were taking a Dave Ramsey class, Financial Peace University, and learned the basics of getting our butts out of debt and into investing. God has been so good since then - I've stayed here to work this year while he's in training and by the time my paychecks stop coming in August for this job we will be able to live off of one income.

I guess if you read back it sounds like we did a lot. We really didn't. We were obedient and as you can see in Scripture over and over again, blessing follows obedience. I have absolutely no doubt that if we hadn't been obedient in tithing and being good stewards of everything, not just money, we. would. not. be. here. No doubt in my mind.

So... that is the story of my faith. I feel I have never been closer to the Lord than I am at this point in my life. It's basically out of necessity. If I weren't close to the Lord, there's a very good chance I would have dug myself back into that pit of depression. When Aaron left for Basic training almost a year ago, I vowed that I would throw myself into Bible studies and make the most of my time alone.. with the Lord. It's been tough, it's bee rewarding. I've woken up in the morning with puffy eyelids from crying myself to sleep more times than I can count. But He is good and His mercies are new every morning.