He was human in every way.

These past few weeks or so have taken a toll on my emotions. How can a person feel so many different emotions.. at the same time? Frustration, happiness, excitement, sadness, grief.. I feel like people are starting to pull away because I'm leaving. That hurts. I never did that to Aaron before he left for training, or whenever he would leave after being home for a weekend or for Christmas. I guess I see it as I'm sacrificing my emotional comfort to stay close with people up until the end and others are just not following through. I think it will get worse since we're going to South Korea instead of Texas.. I guess that's what distance does.

The consolation I have, besides those who are staying close with me and making a mutual effort to do so, is that Jesus can sympathize with us because He has experienced every emotion because in addition to being fully God, He was fully man. I cannot even begin to imagine what He experienced on the cross. Feelings of abandonment from His own Father; rejection and blatant disregard from the people who at one time were following Him, being healed, believing, now cheering "Crucify Him!"; happiness knowing that what He was doing would save the entire world, past present and future... He's felt every emotion times a thousand. That's how I know that I can rely on Him for the peace that passes all understanding.

What did Jesus do in His times of distress? He prayed. The Gospels account for so many times where He went into the secret to pray. I love David Crowder's song "All Around Me"...

My hands are searching for You
My arms are outstretched towards You
I feel You on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for You

This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing You

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And You whisper You love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with You
I am alone and they are too with You

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see You

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe

I am so thankful for what Jesus has done.. He's healed me through and through, from my depression, loneliness, hurt.. He's given me an amazing husband, "surrogate" mothers and aunts and sisters in Christ, a wonderful opportunity to share my life with one hundred students each day... and I am making the most of it.

I thank Him in advance for the healing that will occur in my soul.. I know that He will restore me! I claim it! I know that everything I am going through is only preparation for better things to come.. His timing is perfect, His name is above all names.

I tell you, when I first started writing this blog, I was teetering on the edge of depressive thoughts.. but once I proclaim all that He's done for me, how can I feel like that? It's completely okay to be human and feel sad, but we have to find our comfort in the Comforter.

I might have mentioned this before, but the word for "healing" in Hebrew can mean in some instances "to mend, to stitch..". That is such a beautiful picture.. Jesus is lovingly threading the needle of the thread of healing to mend my heart. And it will be stronger than before. My tattoo says, "Jehovah Raphe - The God Who Heals.."


"I'm savoring this heart that's healing..."