These past few weeks or so have taken a toll on my emotions. How can a person feel so many different emotions.. at the same time? Frustration, happiness, excitement, sadness, grief.. I feel like people are starting to pull away because I'm leaving. That hurts. I never did that to Aaron before he left for training, or whenever he would leave after being home for a weekend or for Christmas. I guess I see it as I'm sacrificing my emotional comfort to stay close with people up until the end and others are just not following through. I think it will get worse since we're going to South Korea instead of Texas.. I guess that's what distance does.
The consolation I have, besides those who are staying close with me and making a mutual effort to do so, is that Jesus can sympathize with us because He has experienced every emotion because in addition to being fully God, He was fully man. I cannot even begin to imagine what He experienced on the cross. Feelings of abandonment from His own Father; rejection and blatant disregard from the people who at one time were following Him, being healed, believing, now cheering "Crucify Him!"; happiness knowing that what He was doing would save the entire world, past present and future... He's felt every emotion times a thousand. That's how I know that I can rely on Him for the peace that passes all understanding.
What did Jesus do in His times of distress? He prayed. The Gospels account for so many times where He went into the secret to pray. I love David Crowder's song "All Around Me"...
My hands are searching for You
My arms are outstretched towards You
I feel You on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for You
This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing You
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And You whisper You love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with You
I am alone and they are too with You
And so I cry
The light is white
And I see You
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe
I am so thankful for what Jesus has done.. He's healed me through and through, from my depression, loneliness, hurt.. He's given me an amazing husband, "surrogate" mothers and aunts and sisters in Christ, a wonderful opportunity to share my life with one hundred students each day... and I am making the most of it.
I thank Him in advance for the healing that will occur in my soul.. I know that He will restore me! I claim it! I know that everything I am going through is only preparation for better things to come.. His timing is perfect, His name is above all names.
I tell you, when I first started writing this blog, I was teetering on the edge of depressive thoughts.. but once I proclaim all that He's done for me, how can I feel like that? It's completely okay to be human and feel sad, but we have to find our comfort in the Comforter.
I might have mentioned this before, but the word for "healing" in Hebrew can mean in some instances "to mend, to stitch..". That is such a beautiful picture.. Jesus is lovingly threading the needle of the thread of healing to mend my heart. And it will be stronger than before. My tattoo says, "Jehovah Raphe - The God Who Heals.."
"I'm savoring this heart that's healing..."
Friday, April 23
Tuesday, April 20
Psalm 119:97-104
In the NIV...
97 Oh, how I love your law!
I meditate on it all day long.
98 Your commands make me wiser than my enemies,
for they are ever with me.
99 I have more insight than all my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
100 I have more understanding than the elders,
for I obey your precepts.
101 I have kept my feet from every evil path
so that I might obey your word.
102 I have not departed from your laws,
for you yourself have taught me.
103 How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!
104 I gain understanding from your precepts;
therefore I hate every wrong path.
This is how I've prayed to feel about the Word of the Lord.. and I do feel this way. And it's really more than a feeling. It's an unmistakable realization that the Truth brought forth from this book is the only Truth, past, present and future.
97 Oh, how I love your law!
I meditate on it all day long.
98 Your commands make me wiser than my enemies,
for they are ever with me.
99 I have more insight than all my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
100 I have more understanding than the elders,
for I obey your precepts.
101 I have kept my feet from every evil path
so that I might obey your word.
102 I have not departed from your laws,
for you yourself have taught me.
103 How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!
104 I gain understanding from your precepts;
therefore I hate every wrong path.
This is how I've prayed to feel about the Word of the Lord.. and I do feel this way. And it's really more than a feeling. It's an unmistakable realization that the Truth brought forth from this book is the only Truth, past, present and future.
All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory.
This is what the Lord showed to me this weekend. Past all my troubles, problems, attitude that needs to be majorly adjusted, feelings, circumstances.. His glory and His character remain. There's honestly nothing we can do to stop it.
Sometimes there just comes a time in our hardship (for me, the fact that I am the one to break generational sin) where we just have to believe. Believe that He can mend, that He can restore, that He can comfort. That He can bring ones back to Him who have at one time loved and honored Him but now whose hearts are far from Him.
The word "pretense" came to my mind this weekend. The entry from the Online Etymology Dictionary is as follows: early 15c., "the putting forth of a claim," from M.Fr. pretensse, from fem. of L.L. prætensus, from L. prætensus, pp. of prætendere (see pretend). Meaning "false or hypocritical profession" is from 1540s. Pretension is c.1600 meaning "assertion;" sense of "ostentation" is from 1727.
It's amazing how we can take the truths that God has put forth in His book or in our hearts and twist them around in order to throw ourselves a pity party or to gain sympathy from others. I guess this is what I was doing without totally realizing it. The entry "false or hypocritical profession" is hitting home right now.
In our Beth Moore Believing God series, there are five truths we've been practicing and clinging to.
1. God is Who He says He is.
2. I am who God says I am.
3. God can do what He says He can do.
4. I can do all things in Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
Number 2 hit me like a bullet the other night as I was crying on my bed. I am who God says I am! I am His beloved, His precious child, part of His royal priesthood .
I also felt like I received the commission of "Encourager". I have felt for a long time that at some point in my earthly life I will be an intercessor.. praying on others' behalf. The Lord revealed to me that I have to learn how to encourage others before I can intercede for them. Encouraging someone validates their feelings and provides an emotional pathway by empathy to that person that goes beyond a simple "hi".
Hebrews 10:23-25
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking out own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.
"Encourage" come from a Greek word that means, "to call near, be of good comfort, to pray, to invoke God, to exhort, admonish, to provide consolation, to make glad, rejoice".
It's much more than a simple, "Good job!" but it's specific. It's spoken of the Holy Spirit. And it's crucial for edifying the Church.
This is my prayer and desire: to continue in my preparation for whatever God has for me, for whatever He has for me together with my husband, so that I (we) will be ready!
Simplification, Contentment, Obedience, Encouragement, and Intercession. This is the will of God.
Sometimes there just comes a time in our hardship (for me, the fact that I am the one to break generational sin) where we just have to believe. Believe that He can mend, that He can restore, that He can comfort. That He can bring ones back to Him who have at one time loved and honored Him but now whose hearts are far from Him.
The word "pretense" came to my mind this weekend. The entry from the Online Etymology Dictionary is as follows: early 15c., "the putting forth of a claim," from M.Fr. pretensse, from fem. of L.L. prætensus, from L. prætensus, pp. of prætendere (see pretend). Meaning "false or hypocritical profession" is from 1540s. Pretension is c.1600 meaning "assertion;" sense of "ostentation" is from 1727.
It's amazing how we can take the truths that God has put forth in His book or in our hearts and twist them around in order to throw ourselves a pity party or to gain sympathy from others. I guess this is what I was doing without totally realizing it. The entry "false or hypocritical profession" is hitting home right now.
In our Beth Moore Believing God series, there are five truths we've been practicing and clinging to.
1. God is Who He says He is.
2. I am who God says I am.
3. God can do what He says He can do.
4. I can do all things in Christ.
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
Number 2 hit me like a bullet the other night as I was crying on my bed. I am who God says I am! I am His beloved, His precious child, part of His royal priesthood .
I also felt like I received the commission of "Encourager". I have felt for a long time that at some point in my earthly life I will be an intercessor.. praying on others' behalf. The Lord revealed to me that I have to learn how to encourage others before I can intercede for them. Encouraging someone validates their feelings and provides an emotional pathway by empathy to that person that goes beyond a simple "hi".
Hebrews 10:23-25
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking out own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.
"Encourage" come from a Greek word that means, "to call near, be of good comfort, to pray, to invoke God, to exhort, admonish, to provide consolation, to make glad, rejoice".
It's much more than a simple, "Good job!" but it's specific. It's spoken of the Holy Spirit. And it's crucial for edifying the Church.
This is my prayer and desire: to continue in my preparation for whatever God has for me, for whatever He has for me together with my husband, so that I (we) will be ready!
Simplification, Contentment, Obedience, Encouragement, and Intercession. This is the will of God.
Monday, April 19
Wo wo weee woo.
So many fabulous things have been happening the past couple of days.. I've been super busy so I haven't posted.. but look for a reallllly long post within the next week (fingers crossed)!
Thursday, April 8
...
I have got to get back on track.
Sigh.
I'm glad this whole grace and forgiveness thing wasn't up to me.
Could I be any more in love with this passage?
Philippians 2
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Sigh.
I'm glad this whole grace and forgiveness thing wasn't up to me.
Could I be any more in love with this passage?
Philippians 2
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
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